How to
Avoid the Better-Than-Real-Life Mindset
Okay, let’s all admit it. We have,
at least once in our lives, posted something on a blog, Instagram, Facebook, or
Twitter just to let people know how good we have it. Maybe it’s a little brag
about how your son scored the winning shot for his basketball team, or a
picture of your baby with the “most adorable face!” Don’t get me wrong; sharing
isn’t a bad thing. It’s how we connect to each other now, and is especially
life-saving for those of us who live far away from grandparents or siblings. Yes,
I’ve done it. I posted an awesome pic two years ago of my son coming in second
place for his cross-country competition. Just a few months ago I gave myself a
shameless self-promotion to let people know I’d published a story in an
anthology. I brag about my husband all the time, maybe more than I should.
So what happens when life goes to crap?
What happens when your middle child was sent to the principal’s office, when
your oldest has three hours’ worth of homework that he can’t seem to sit down
and finish, and when your youngest barrels right through a basement window? I’m
going to say right now that I have
shared things like this before. Because, well, I was hoping I wasn’t the only
one who completely lost my sanity on any given day. Those days, when I see the
pictures of happy families at movies and posts about how great someone’s kids
are or about a blog about how a friend succeeded at something I’ve utterly
failed at, I’m ready to smash my forehead through my laptop screen.
The internet’s not going away, and
most of us don’t want to close our social media accounts or stop blogging or
whatever. We love being connected to each other. Connection, when balanced, can
be great for us. During those dark days, during the times when you can’t listen
to one more rant about the cutest baby in the world, here are a few things I
try to remember...
Facebook is a façade. I have recently seen
three of my friends go through divorces, as well as finding out about one more
in progress. Some were quiet affairs, and others were ugly episodes with no end
in sight. Surprise, surprise – none of them ever gave any indication through
social media that anything was going wrong in their lives. In fact, everything
seemed to be hunky-dory. We might temporarily hate our neighbors for their
story-book lives, but that’s all it is; a story. Remember that everyone has problems. Really, they do.
Comparing is a critical no-no. Yep, we all do it. I do it as a mother all the time. I wonder if I’m giving my kids the right opportunities, or if I’m spoiling them too much. This is one of my pet peeves on social media. Seriously, did you just post a photo of your daughter opening her expensive birthday present for all your friends to see? What are you trying to do with that photo? Annoy the living daylights out of me?
Your phone is not an
extension of your arm.
Not only does this make me angry because I see both men and women with phones
in their hands WHILE DRIVING, but because I’ve seen a lot of bad things happen
while people in general – not just parents – are distracted by their phones. If
you are looking to social media for approval, if you’re lacking in self-esteem
and won’t be happy until your post hits 100 likes, you need help. There are
other ways in life to improve your self-worth. For ideas, visit this site (https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/nurturing-self-compassion/201703/8-steps-improving-your-self-esteem) at Psychology Today.
It’s okay to miss your friends’ posts. This is a hard one, because I’ve had people ask me if I’ve watched the video or read an article they posted. Because, who has time for that? It is simply impossible to “like” everything that goes through my feed. I have things to do. Children to track down. Dinner to make. Another tip? Stop liking, sharing, and commenting on the posts that tell you that if you don’t like, comment, or share that your faith/resolve/belief in something is null and void. Way to let the internet run your life.
Do something to break the mold. By this, I mean to get out in the real world and get inspired. Sometimes I hate myself. I hate how disappointing it is to be a mother sometimes. I’m sure you’ve felt that way too. Time for something different. Get out of your house. Go on a hike or a picnic. People watch at the mall. Get into your closet and get rid of those nasty 90s clothes you haven’t worn
in twenty years. Develop a
productive hobby (make and sell something – my sister does, and she loves it).
Getting a different perspective on life will help you see truth; there is no
perfect mother, perfect family, or perfect person. Nope; nobody and nothing is
perfect.
Remember to be patient with your shortcomings. If you catch yourself judging or comparing, remember that even the super-model body next-door neighbor with two bleached-teeth children has her own struggles that you can’t see. And if she hasn’t yet, she will. And when you can hear her in her room punching the mattress and shouting swear words over and over, you’ll know you’ve created a life-long bond. If life on social media seems too perfect, take a deep breath. Put your phone down and close your laptop. And walk away.
Facebook is a façade. I have recently seen
three of my friends go through divorces, as well as finding out about one more
in progress. Some were quiet affairs, and others were ugly episodes with no end
in sight. Surprise, surprise – none of them ever gave any indication through
social media that anything was going wrong in their lives. In fact, everything
seemed to be hunky-dory. We might temporarily hate our neighbors for their
story-book lives, but that’s all it is; a story. Remember that everyone has problems. Really, they do.Comparing is a critical no-no. Yep, we all do it. I do it as a mother all the time. I wonder if I’m giving my kids the right opportunities, or if I’m spoiling them too much. This is one of my pet peeves on social media. Seriously, did you just post a photo of your daughter opening her expensive birthday present for all your friends to see? What are you trying to do with that photo? Annoy the living daylights out of me?
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| Courtesy 570 News |
It’s okay to miss your friends’ posts. This is a hard one, because I’ve had people ask me if I’ve watched the video or read an article they posted. Because, who has time for that? It is simply impossible to “like” everything that goes through my feed. I have things to do. Children to track down. Dinner to make. Another tip? Stop liking, sharing, and commenting on the posts that tell you that if you don’t like, comment, or share that your faith/resolve/belief in something is null and void. Way to let the internet run your life.
Do something to break the mold. By this, I mean to get out in the real world and get inspired. Sometimes I hate myself. I hate how disappointing it is to be a mother sometimes. I’m sure you’ve felt that way too. Time for something different. Get out of your house. Go on a hike or a picnic. People watch at the mall. Get into your closet and get rid of those nasty 90s clothes you haven’t worn
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| Head on over to Babble for this story! |
Remember to be patient with your shortcomings. If you catch yourself judging or comparing, remember that even the super-model body next-door neighbor with two bleached-teeth children has her own struggles that you can’t see. And if she hasn’t yet, she will. And when you can hear her in her room punching the mattress and shouting swear words over and over, you’ll know you’ve created a life-long bond. If life on social media seems too perfect, take a deep breath. Put your phone down and close your laptop. And walk away.
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