Years and years ago, before I ever had kids, I'd seen a few TV shows and movies where a pregnant woman loses a baby. King of Queens, for example. The one where Carrie throws up Froot Loops and later finds out the pregnancy failed. I thought it was sad, but I didn't cry. I didn't understand. Not until I went through my first miscarriage did I understand how horribly off-the-mark this episode was.
That was a long time ago. Back before I had my last son. The episode had moved too quickly, which was okay for a comedy sitcom. But wrong. So wrong. They didn't capture the roller coaster of mental and emotional anguish caused by a miscarriage. They forgot the conflicted feelings, the guilt and the raw grief.
The sixth and last season of Longmire came out on Netflix on the 17th. I love watching that show. It's intense, the characters are complex and likable, and though not a comedy, there are enough funny moments to make the drama one of the best that has come out in years.
Without giving too much away about the show, I will need to talk about a situation of one of the characters so...
SPOILER ALERT!
Don't read any further if you care about shows being spoiled and haven't seen Longmire yet. Including the first half of the sixth season.
Officer Moretti, more commonly known as Vic, found out she was pregnant at the end of fifth season. The funny part is she takes about fifty pregnancy tests just to make sure. She goes through some emotions and decisions, including keeping it secret from Sheriff Walt Longmire, her partner and friend. During an intense scene in, um...the third episode, I think, Victoria is shot and the bullet nicks an artery, making her lose a lot of blood. Of course, Walt knows about the baby by now, and he does everything he can to save her, from getting her into his truck to speeding down the freeway.
Vic had more blood than normal because of her baby, so she survives. But she lost too much blood to sustain the baby, so the baby doesn't. When Walt tells her shortly after she wakes up, she doesn't seem too upset. She feels bad about it, but tells the hospital to do whatever they need to do (the show is probably referring to something here called a D&C, or dilation and curettage). She seems fine but not fine, claiming the baby never felt real. She goes on a search for details about her baby. What was the sex? Blood type? Who was the father?
When Walt finds out she ordered a vintage toy for the baby, he talks to her about it (after fixing it up, which is another kind-of funny story). Vic finally admits she feels like the baby's death is her fault. She wants someone to be angry with her, to blame her for the baby's death. She breaks down, also telling him that she knew the baby was a girl, and that she'd had dreams about her.
My writing falls so flat here. Everything in this show is beautifully right. During each of my miscarriages, I have gone through an emotional roller coaster of craziness. I feel great at first, because my morning sickness vanishes. Then comes the pain; physical at first. Then mental. Then emotional. One moment I felt fine and dandy about everything, and the next I was sitting by myself in the bathroom, racked with sobs and literally handicapped by grief. That tiny body was failed by mine. My body failed. I failed.
This show, this episode in particular, is important. Trying to understand what happens to a women during and after a miscarriage is where Longmire gets in on the ongoing conversation. A new view has been put up for discussion. Not only thrown out there, but more carefully looked at than perhaps any other TV show has done so until now.
I personally love a show that is like a work of art. A show that takes an emotion, a feeling, or experience, and communicates that to others, others who can relate to artwork in one way or another. How do I relate to Longmire? I am a woman who has had a miscarriage, more than one, and I saw myself in Vic. I saw myself okay, I saw myself a wreck. I cried. Tear tracks down my cheeks. I'm not saying everyone will feel this way. But I did. I went through it with Vic. She went through it with me. I see my unused secret Pregnancy Pinterest board, and it hurts. I see her new toys that aren't getting used by a little girl, and it hurts.
But it's also comforting. Mothers, we are not alone. We hide our pregnancies "just in case" they don't work out, but is that necessary? We wonder if we will be able to deal with the emotion, but maybe we'd handle it better if we had support. I don't know that I'm right. And regardless whether or not we divulge our secrets, we need to be there for each other. I've been there. So if you need to talk, please let me know.
I would love to.
That was a long time ago. Back before I had my last son. The episode had moved too quickly, which was okay for a comedy sitcom. But wrong. So wrong. They didn't capture the roller coaster of mental and emotional anguish caused by a miscarriage. They forgot the conflicted feelings, the guilt and the raw grief.
The sixth and last season of Longmire came out on Netflix on the 17th. I love watching that show. It's intense, the characters are complex and likable, and though not a comedy, there are enough funny moments to make the drama one of the best that has come out in years.
Without giving too much away about the show, I will need to talk about a situation of one of the characters so...
SPOILER ALERT!
Don't read any further if you care about shows being spoiled and haven't seen Longmire yet. Including the first half of the sixth season.
Officer Moretti, more commonly known as Vic, found out she was pregnant at the end of fifth season. The funny part is she takes about fifty pregnancy tests just to make sure. She goes through some emotions and decisions, including keeping it secret from Sheriff Walt Longmire, her partner and friend. During an intense scene in, um...the third episode, I think, Victoria is shot and the bullet nicks an artery, making her lose a lot of blood. Of course, Walt knows about the baby by now, and he does everything he can to save her, from getting her into his truck to speeding down the freeway.
Vic had more blood than normal because of her baby, so she survives. But she lost too much blood to sustain the baby, so the baby doesn't. When Walt tells her shortly after she wakes up, she doesn't seem too upset. She feels bad about it, but tells the hospital to do whatever they need to do (the show is probably referring to something here called a D&C, or dilation and curettage). She seems fine but not fine, claiming the baby never felt real. She goes on a search for details about her baby. What was the sex? Blood type? Who was the father?
When Walt finds out she ordered a vintage toy for the baby, he talks to her about it (after fixing it up, which is another kind-of funny story). Vic finally admits she feels like the baby's death is her fault. She wants someone to be angry with her, to blame her for the baby's death. She breaks down, also telling him that she knew the baby was a girl, and that she'd had dreams about her.
My writing falls so flat here. Everything in this show is beautifully right. During each of my miscarriages, I have gone through an emotional roller coaster of craziness. I feel great at first, because my morning sickness vanishes. Then comes the pain; physical at first. Then mental. Then emotional. One moment I felt fine and dandy about everything, and the next I was sitting by myself in the bathroom, racked with sobs and literally handicapped by grief. That tiny body was failed by mine. My body failed. I failed.
This show, this episode in particular, is important. Trying to understand what happens to a women during and after a miscarriage is where Longmire gets in on the ongoing conversation. A new view has been put up for discussion. Not only thrown out there, but more carefully looked at than perhaps any other TV show has done so until now.
I personally love a show that is like a work of art. A show that takes an emotion, a feeling, or experience, and communicates that to others, others who can relate to artwork in one way or another. How do I relate to Longmire? I am a woman who has had a miscarriage, more than one, and I saw myself in Vic. I saw myself okay, I saw myself a wreck. I cried. Tear tracks down my cheeks. I'm not saying everyone will feel this way. But I did. I went through it with Vic. She went through it with me. I see my unused secret Pregnancy Pinterest board, and it hurts. I see her new toys that aren't getting used by a little girl, and it hurts.
But it's also comforting. Mothers, we are not alone. We hide our pregnancies "just in case" they don't work out, but is that necessary? We wonder if we will be able to deal with the emotion, but maybe we'd handle it better if we had support. I don't know that I'm right. And regardless whether or not we divulge our secrets, we need to be there for each other. I've been there. So if you need to talk, please let me know.
I would love to.
This is beautiful, and is and eye opener to what women go through when they have a miscarriage.
ReplyDeleteThank you! I appreciate your sincere comments.
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