Yes, I went shopping today. There were a few things I just could not order over the internet. Really. I did find a good deal, and I'm pretty happy, even though it took two hours just to find one stupid thing. And State Street was a mess. And the mall parking lot. Both parking lots. And the malls themselves. Mess.
My mantra about "finding balance in all things" is very important this time of year. It's the one reason I was able to get excited this year about Christmas. Several years ago I had a bad experience with gift giving that turned me into a complete Grinch. I swore from that day forward that I wasn't going to give gifts anymore. Period. No matter what.
Guess what? It didn't hold. I love my people, and I want them to know it. But I've had to teach myself that I can't control the actions of others. I can only control what I do. It takes a lot of practice, which means that for the last five-to-seven years I have been dreading the Christmas season. No Christmas music. A blatant hesitation to put up decorations and lights until my kids forced me to do it (usually the second week in December). And I absolutely would never spend a thought or much of my time making or picking out a gift for anyone outside my immediate family (traditional-sucky-gift fall back). No. Way.
Except, that, it makes Christmas feel empty when I do things that way. I'm relieved when Christmas finally comes and it can be "over." I've been taking down the decorations the next day, giving myself the freedom to get rid of any residual bad taste from the holiday. But if I'm going to feel that way, I want to at least enjoy what comes before it. My problem is, how do I do that? One of the realizations I've come to is that there is no way I will ever be able to give everyone the perfect gift. Have you ever tried asking someone what they want for Christmas? "I'm fine. You don't have to get me anything." For crying out loud, how many times have I heard this? And you know that 95% of the time they don't mean it. But it's out of your control. You can do your best and call it good. I'm not going to stress over a gift for each of my siblings, and my in-laws, and my friends, etc., because I CAN'T. It will give me an early heart-attack and then I'll have to go to the hospital and then I'll have ruined Christmas anyway.
So do yourself a favor this holiday season. Make a figurative bubble, stick your worries inside it, and blow it away. Better yet, pop it. Don't worry about relatives, UPS, or breakfast. Your kids love cereal. It's okay if Christmas presents are late; they make great birthday gifts. Your relatives don't really care about the money you spent. The great thing about time is that people really do forget about the little things.
But remember the big things. Remember that one Christmas that was miserable because of a death on your husband's side and your family stepped up and took care of your kids and you. Remember how the neighbors you thought hated your guts brought you a Christmas gift and were really nice to you that one year. Remember how one of your kids was sick on Christmas day and they gave him a toy at the hospital to help him feel better. Remember that year your husband ruined his new pants with dye while he helped your kids make new tie-dye aprons for you. Because those things will make you smile for the rest of your life and forever, and that's what makes Christmas amazing.
Really. It still can.
So do yourself a favor this holiday season. Make a figurative bubble, stick your worries inside it, and blow it away. Better yet, pop it. Don't worry about relatives, UPS, or breakfast. Your kids love cereal. It's okay if Christmas presents are late; they make great birthday gifts. Your relatives don't really care about the money you spent. The great thing about time is that people really do forget about the little things.
But remember the big things. Remember that one Christmas that was miserable because of a death on your husband's side and your family stepped up and took care of your kids and you. Remember how the neighbors you thought hated your guts brought you a Christmas gift and were really nice to you that one year. Remember how one of your kids was sick on Christmas day and they gave him a toy at the hospital to help him feel better. Remember that year your husband ruined his new pants with dye while he helped your kids make new tie-dye aprons for you. Because those things will make you smile for the rest of your life and forever, and that's what makes Christmas amazing.
Really. It still can.
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