Today, on this day of no sun and yes rain, on this day of gloom and weeping, on this day of hearing another tragic story of a mother's end, I can't help but feel you. I've been there, ladies. I've had dark, horrifying thoughts. I have thought the unthinkable. Done the undo-able. And I want you to know, there's still hope.
Please talk to me. Talk to your friends. Your family. Find a safe person. Call a hotline if you don't know what else to do. Send me an email. Comment on this post and I will comment back. Tell me what you're feeling. Tell someone. It's okay to say the words.
"I don't want to do this anymore."
I won't judge you. I have been there. Others have been there.
If you're afraid the nasty, judgmental woman who lives in the big house will judge you, don't share with her. But I will tell you a secret. Most of the time, if you can get another mother on her own, that you will find a safe place and another woman who probably feels (or has felt) just as frustrated as you. If you don't have someone to share these things with, find someone. If you are at the end of your rope and you have no where else to turn, do this:
1. Turn the TV on and sit your kids in front of it. Make sure any babies are safe, any toddlers are distracted, older kids gone. Or not. Whatever. Go into your bedroom and lock the door. Scream curse words into your pillow and punch your mattress until you're too tired to keep it up. I call this "Tantrum Mode." It doesn't take long, and it weirdly makes me feel better. At least a little.
2. Talk to a friend. This can be your mother, if you would like. But sometimes that doesn't work. Know what's going to work. If you haven't figured that out yet, it's okay. Sometimes our friends change, or our situations change. If you're in between confidants, call one of these numbers: National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255. I'm not going to recommend you go to their site, although you can if you want to. Talking to a human voice is much better. Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance: 1-800-826-3632. Don't hesitate, especially if you know you're dealing with either of these problems. Hopeline: 1-800-442-HOPE (4673). I didn't even know this was a line until today! They also have a website where you can chat (but again, human voices do wonders for your brain). Okay, and for more, I'm going to refer you to this site because it is full of wonderful numbers and links: Women's Health Help Hotlines. They list quite a few for mental health and wellness.
3. See a counselor. You pick it. Your state or community probably provides a low-cost/free facility, and I happen to know someone who works at one near me who happens to be a great psychologist. There are many different kinds of therapy too; pick something that works for you. There are therapists now who are trained in different fields, from visual art to writing therapy. The Penny Hoarder has a site to help you out.
4. Punch something. I mentioned the mattress earlier, but what I really mean here is to exercise. If you can't find a babysitter, take your kids. Do what I do, and look up workouts on YouTube in those wee hours of the morning before anyone else is awake. Better yet, have your kids do a workout with you, or give them their own video to do. Have you tried the British kid-yoga lady? My kids used to think she was hilarious, and then they requested to do her videos again and again. While they do their stuff, you do yours. Taking care of yourself is essential.
5. Don't be afraid to ask for help. There are federal and state programs that not only help you financially, but also give advice and wisdom where your health is concerned. Sometimes all you have to do is call. Ask. Act. It might not sound like much, but sometimes even a little help from a program like HEAT or WIC goes a long way. Plus, the counselors are usually trained to help you. Also keep in mind that most states offer a place where you can temporarily drop your children off, no questions asked, to keep them safe if you need a serious break.
But momma, please...
We don't want to see your face on the news. We don't want to hear about your suicide or how you hurt your own kids because you lost it. We want to be there for you, to give you a shoulder to cry on, and to love you no matter what. You're just like us. Your job is not easy, it is not a walk in the park. But you can do hard things. You can make it through, because you know what? Someone is always waiting for you to come back. Someone always wants you to be happy. Your snow-covered peak, your beach, your solitary mountain, your big-city excitement, your country run; this will always be here.
And we want you to be here too.
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| NY Daily News |
"I don't want to do this anymore."
I won't judge you. I have been there. Others have been there.
If you're afraid the nasty, judgmental woman who lives in the big house will judge you, don't share with her. But I will tell you a secret. Most of the time, if you can get another mother on her own, that you will find a safe place and another woman who probably feels (or has felt) just as frustrated as you. If you don't have someone to share these things with, find someone. If you are at the end of your rope and you have no where else to turn, do this:
3. See a counselor. You pick it. Your state or community probably provides a low-cost/free facility, and I happen to know someone who works at one near me who happens to be a great psychologist. There are many different kinds of therapy too; pick something that works for you. There are therapists now who are trained in different fields, from visual art to writing therapy. The Penny Hoarder has a site to help you out.
5. Don't be afraid to ask for help. There are federal and state programs that not only help you financially, but also give advice and wisdom where your health is concerned. Sometimes all you have to do is call. Ask. Act. It might not sound like much, but sometimes even a little help from a program like HEAT or WIC goes a long way. Plus, the counselors are usually trained to help you. Also keep in mind that most states offer a place where you can temporarily drop your children off, no questions asked, to keep them safe if you need a serious break.
We don't want to see your face on the news. We don't want to hear about your suicide or how you hurt your own kids because you lost it. We want to be there for you, to give you a shoulder to cry on, and to love you no matter what. You're just like us. Your job is not easy, it is not a walk in the park. But you can do hard things. You can make it through, because you know what? Someone is always waiting for you to come back. Someone always wants you to be happy. Your snow-covered peak, your beach, your solitary mountain, your big-city excitement, your country run; this will always be here.
And we want you to be here too.
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